I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
