I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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