There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
