I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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