There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
