He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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