apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
