she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
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