so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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