There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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