His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Found the puke drawer
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm sobbing to NWA
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
