Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
