I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
