You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
