Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
