hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
