If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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