I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
