There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
i out mim tonsoeep
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
