i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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