Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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