It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
