I just threw up on my dentist
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
