there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
