So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
