my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
