Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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