I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
