so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
