Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
