I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
