Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
