Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just pynch a tree in the face
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
