I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
