mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
