you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
