Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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