we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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