Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Randomize
