your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Porn is love you can see.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
