I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
