it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
