i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
