Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
