I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Randomize
