Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Slut skills are useful in every country.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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