Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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