just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
