He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
