I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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