wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he thought i was a dude.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
my liver is dry heaving
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
