The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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