Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
