I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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