Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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