i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Sorry about my life...
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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