I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
